Passed into the next room and told me to tell you go fuck yourself. When you show them how you're not affected by them at all, that's when your comedic skills become the best and make others laugh as well. I'm wondering how you are. Hopefully, not as good as I will ever be. Get your own life first before you try sharing it. Her sessions aim to bring about transformation in her clients lives, perspectives, and relationships. Use sarcasm to let them know that you do not approve. Sarcastic response: Express the appropriate level of enthusiasm, then let this handsome, cheeky British man (aka Jimmy from You're The Worst) do the talking: 3. Giving witty and interesting responses instead of the generic Im fine is often the smartest way to kickstart a nice conversation after the greeting How Are You?. Your response should depend on the rapport you share with the sender. "Fine" is a boring conversation-killer. *sips wine/tea*. In the past, one way to send messages was to attach them to a pigeon. The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, It's Hot When People Call You By Your Last Name, I Never Feel Older Than When I Try To Make A TikTok, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Come to think of it, your face is old, too. Because a single-storey is much more economical than a double-storey. "Accept the facts for what they are, and be grateful you're not being strung along or played.". If I was doing any better, I would hire you to enjoy it with me. Like seriously, you hoped for him to be run over by a truck or something. By acting as though they are replying too fast, you highlight the fact that they are replying too slow. It would be great if puppies would stay puppies forever. If there is just one valid reason for someone not replying to you, that reason would be their death. 2. If you want, Ill give you a discount, baby. But it does help if you know your audience when responding to someone. 51. I never even listen when you tell me them. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Here's one to use when you're having a spectacular day. The next time the cat gets your tongue, heres a big list of good, witty, nasty, funny sarcastic and clever comebacks for every conversation, no matter where you are! What if questions can help you form connections fast, but you don't want to rush or force it. 65. I know youre nobodys fool, but maybe youll be adopted someday. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." Then I hope you find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and cultured. I'm loved! You don't need to say it. No? Maybe I am a kindergartner? If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Looking for funny responses to everyday questions? Things You Should Know about Birth Control Pills 62 Beautiful Makeup Inspos for Girls Who Are Not Afraid to Play with Color "Like an echo asking a shadow to dance on a mirage, this one is even funnier when an ugly person says, My friend always says "gooder". Maybe you can Google it. Sarcastic comebacks come in handy any time someone is behaving in a particularly annoying way. Because apparently, you need to go outside and talk to people to date. 30. 29. No, keep talking. 11. More like give me a sign that. Everyone has a different sense of humor. If you are in a coma, on the other hand, you are legally very much alive. But still, some people will try to satisfy their curiosity and meddle with your personal life. . Being single is much better than being married. Id love to insult you, but you probably wouldnt understand. 79. You a cop? You go first, lets see if mine was better or worse. Like for your friends and close ones, here are some witty responses and replies to make them laugh, because they know exactly how you're doing and ask you as par of formality. 18. I dont have time to accommodate other human beings in my life! 1. Voltaire (philosopher), "As you get older, three things happen. Dear family and friends of Arthur Dayn, As we enter into an unprecedented dark age with the invisible enemy known as COVID-19, the life of our dear friend Arthur Dayn ends. I'm fine. You are waiting for their reply, and they should be aware of this. I dont know how you do it, but after a shower, you look even greasier. Its more likely that theyre just being a bad friend. 2. Unknown, "He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend . However, I dont recall anything about morons. 78. 55. Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital. Im quite certain that Im single because I didnt forward those chain messages stating: forward this to 10 people and you will meet the love of your life in 10 days, or else you suffer bad luck in the past. Why dont you tell me, you seem to have a pretty good view from there. How did you get here? Mentally? Youre supposed to think that theyre so busy being cool that they dont have time for you. I wrote him a cheque for it, post-dated of course. Chic Murray (comedian), When I die, I hope to go to heaven, whatever the hell that is. Ayn Rand (author), The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesnt get worse every time congress meets. Will Rogers (actor), "My grandmother was a very tough woman. If this doesn't get a response, it's sure to get a laugh. "If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.". This one gets to the point of what they want to know, it's humorous, and it makes ya think. I thought I had the flu, but then I realized your face makes me sick to my stomach. 13. Most of the time, that is not true. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping." There is not always a need to be so funny, witty, or clever. 24+ Clean Comebacks for Bullies Thatll Make You Smile, Is My Boss a Narcissist Quiz (10 Questions to Help You Find Out!). *licks lips*. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. A little bit worse now that youve asked. Then they throw dirt in your face. Trying to understand the meaning of life or the universe at least. For a prankster, though, street signs or a note out in public is an easy opportunity to get a guaranteed audience for their smart . [Read: The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company]. Often, we text some people when were at rock bottom, to try and get their help, or just have someone to talk to. Just because you're using the "what if" format doesn't mean you can ask anything. 7. Id sue my parents if I had a face like yours. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 30 Best Responses To An Apology For A Late Reply. Im not single. While using humor and creativity in your responses is fun, ensure you steer clear from using puns related to religion and sensitive topics. All our lives, we were taught to follow our passion. Theres only one problem with your face: I can see it. There are many other euphemisms you could use, though: Still ticking. This was one of the quickest ways there was to send a message from one person to another. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Another common excuse that younger people tend to give when they take a long time to reply is Ive been busy with uni. Thats why Im single. 12. Paul Levesque (Triple H), pro wrestler & VP at WWE "It's funny now because I'm kind of in this weird kind of combo twilight zone of the last bits of my in-ring . 36. Once youre dead, youre made for life. Jimi Hendrix (musician), Death will be a great relief, no more interviews. Katharine Hepburn (actress), Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men. Herodotus (historian), You know youre old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope (comedian), Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them. EW Howe (author), There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing. This just in: Bad communication skills are not trending this season! My lawyer told me not to answer that question. 57. See more ideas about maxine, bones funny, funny quotes. [*clap your hands*]. 54. I just woke up like that one day. Did someone leave your cage open? Moving in with Roommates? Hello, how are you? Death is inevitablesome might even say it is a terminal inconvenience or a reason to suddenly stop sinning. Someday, you might actually say something intelligent. Joshua Burns, "Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men." This one is a bit depressing, which is why you should watch when you use it. Alive Jokes. You don't want to be rude, but it's okay to give them a little sarcasm by using this phrase. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if Im not there, I carry on as usual. Patrick Moore (astronomer), He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. HH Munro (author), My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldnt wish to meet. 2 I'm Still on the Right Side of the Grass As long as you're still breathing, you can use this reply. This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. Is your family tree a cactus? Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace: What Does It Mean? Ive never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before. I dont chase them just to satisfy my sexual desires. Brilliant! Brian OldWolf (author) from Troon on July 30, 2020: Yes, this is a very witty, funny article. My blood pressure this is an all-time classic, not the best but had to be said. Dave Barry (author). 7. provided, of course, that he really is dead." Funny Answers to "Why Are You Still Single?" Because no one worthy has beaten me yet in a card fight! I dont tell you how to live your life, dont tell me how to live mine thanks. Spiritually? If youre going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. Maybe their roommate was sick. If someone takes a long time to reply, it can feel much longer than it is. "It's your ego that wants to lash out," Winter tells Bustle. My psychiatrist says that I shouldnt discuss it with strangers. Alexa's response: I'm sorry, Dave. Suppose you're about to join a group when they stop by and ask if you want to join. All rights reserved. Ill get back to you tomorrow when the results are in. Sarcastic Captions for Instagram. Are you going to marry me? I and others have experienced, on several occasions, that your breath. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Stellar, great, fantastic but dead inside. "Ugh I was so lazy this week. Theres too much Ghostbusters texting potential to not take advantage of the pun-tastic opportunity. But, they will grow up into a dog. Could have been worse, right. Just so you know, I value me time over we time. 6. You don't want others to assume that you feel as horrible as you look, so this is the way to set them straight. I'm alive! 9. It can be good to just say it how it is. To answer those who know you and the situation you're going through, use these replies. 18. If they insist that they are bad at replying, you should unfollow them, because you are bad at following people who are bad at replying. Without your thumbs, its unlikely you will be able to text anyone. However, the time it takes for a puppy to grow up is a lot longer than it should take for someone to reply to your message. Its not my choice, but its still a choice. Finnish with this conversation! Funny Answers to How Are You Doing? 8. You'll be asked how you are almost every single day, which is why you should add some humor to your answers. Its because I always show up on dates with bottles of wine for myself. Sometimes, it can be hard thinking on your feet, especially when youre joking around with your friends or in the midst of a heated exchange. So perhaps the issue is not that they are taking a long time to reply. Here, there are hilarious replies, witty comebacks, flirty responses, and many other answers to this question. This might be okay if they take up to 24 hours, but not more than that. On Mars, cell phone reception might not be too good. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Come on, now I want you to whisper that question slowly to my ear. Im sorry I hurt your feelings. There is no gray area (<brain matter joke): either you are brain-dead or you are not. Depends who you ask, if you ask me, it was fine. Theres this one time when a cute guy/gal asked me if I have a boyfriend/girlfriend and I said yes because I didnt hear the question. Image: wikimedia commons 6. While I'd love to give you the technique behind his funny comeback I can't. He may simply be one of the quickest minds in the West. Im jealous of people who dont know you. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! On a scale of one to punching someone in the face, I am at 7.5. If someone is going to ask you the same old everyday questions, I dont think Im being unreasonable when I say theyre probably just going through the motions and not really interested in your answer. Looks like I overestimated the number of brain cells you have. It looks a little too clingy and hard to maintain. I am not sure what you mean. The fact youve replied at all has come as a shock. funny response to are you still alive 09 June 2022. no disease, including cancer, can exist in an alkaline environment / siberian husky mask types Let them know that you're itching to go on a date. Patrick Moore (astronomer), "Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote' so that on my deathbed, my last words could be 'end quote.'" If I was any better, vitamins would be taking me. On a scale of 1 to 10, Id say somewhere between 1 and 10. The only thing offending me right now is your face. Socioeconomically? My lawyer told me not to answer that question. I am feeling so good that I have to sit on my hands to stop myself from clapping. He was a good OP, of impeccable character. Whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Winston Churchill (politician), At a formal dinner party, the person nearest to death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. George Carlin (comedian), Dont send me flowers when Im dead. To contact our editors please use our contact form. Awwits so cute when you talk about things you dont understand. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]. My day was fine, it was everything else that was the problem. Funny and Clever Answers to "Why Are You Still Single?". Then you die. Is everything stable at your end? 41. Feeling confident? Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. . You are about as interesting as a documentary on dirt. Scroll down! They used to call them jumpolines, until your mom jumped on one. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. It takes a specific kind of person to ghost someone its really not that hard to send a quick Im not interested text but rest assured, they exist. If you're friendly and check in with each other here and there, reply but keep the conversation short. Im too expensive. Id punch you in the face, but the thought of touching your face disgusts me. Now that is pretty f****** funny. " Actually, you're mad" is a version of the classic, rhetorically sophisticated comeback "I'm rubber, you're glue." This one is the white-belt level of "who's mad?" martial arts a simple. Rather than kicking yourself later when you think of something clever you should have said, keep a few witty insults and comebacks at the ready, just in case. Humans are sophisticated beings, but we are also creatures of habit who say one thing while we mean something else. The person will likely pick up on the joke, making this awkward situation something that can be laughed off. (What To Do), Why Do I Feel like a Roommate in My Marriage? Doing fairly well, unless you have some contagious disease and are about to infect me . A real low-life. Haha use this humorous response to make someone laugh-you never know, you just might brighten their day. Follow for more funny content!! Its too small to be out there all alone. 58. If corporate email language won't do it, nothing will. 60. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. Checklists & Reminders! 26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No), 31+ Good Comebacks to Use in an Argument With a Girl, Roommate Is Always in Living Room (How To Resolve This), Roommate Brings Unwanted Guests Home! This one kills me! 71. You speak as if youre not single yourself! But Ive also had better. funny response to are you still alive. Are those space pants? 99. If you were twice as smart as you are now, youd be stupid. Some of us are just destined to walk this world alone. 47. Best "How Are You?" Answers. Nevertheless, it can be a great approach to start a lively discussion! Funny as phuck. Not. A romantic relationship would severely impair my crime-fighting order of business. 52. Single is the new blackif that even makes sense! Whoever cast a voodoo spell on my love life can chill now. (Act suspicious of everything and everyone!). Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not OK for me to point it out? 26. Another excuse that people use is Im just hoping in the shower. You could totally take the high road: Lose their number and forget about them altogether or, you could do that after sending them a final funny (but fierce) text to bid your time together adieu. Im a little busy right now, but Id love the chance to ignore you some other time. The only way youll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chickens butt and wait. No, not really. Virginia Woolf (author), "When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction." Is It A Bad Idea To Lose My Virginity To An Old Crush? Whats with all these questions? 2. There's no reason why you should have to express emotions to whoever asked. Boom. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I could never tell when someones flirting with me or if theyre just being nice. The music billboard charts got it wrong! Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger. . After all, every single day that you're still alive is a good day overall. Do you like nature, despite what it did to you? If ignorance barrel prices go up, I want drilling rights to his head. Pick your struggle. It's quite the accomplishment. You just have bad luck at thinking. Still with us. Chuck Bass? There is nothing wrong with responding with a funny or witty remark if youre getting annoyed with repetitive questions. When I eat cake, I flip it upside-down just so I can lick the icing off the plate! If they are not going to reply, perhaps the archaeologists who discover their phone will. 11. (This is an awesome response if you want to fluster them and catch them off-guard) So much better now that you are with me. Are you always this dumb, or are you making a special effort today? Its no secret that essays take longer to write than typical text messages. Thinking of you not existing makes me want to masturbate. Financially? You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the. I always yawn when Im interested. Of course, you don't want to brag, which is why this funny line is useful. So, how does average sound? Id smack you, but that would be animal abuse. If you are in a coma, then that is a valid excuse for not texting back. Are you flirting with me right now? I don't want to give off the wrong impression.". But, as soon as we feel better, that person no longer serves their purpose. I dont feel that great, but look! Im telling you, the trash gets taken out more than me. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room]. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you? How do you usually respond to the question? The government? 75. but it's just so blunt and funny. A A A Remember the time when you hated your ex too much that you wanted him dead? 28. If you are, then maybe were meant to be! When someone really finds you funny over text, they may send laughing emoji or 'haha'. Heart-shattering. Make sure you give witty responses only to persons close to you, or you know they wont get offended by such responses. My only talent is not being in a relationship. With a self-assured stance and casual body language, you won't create any . How are you? I like being single. TikTok video from Mark Winston (@markwinstonbball): "Are you still alive? Thats because Im like the last slice of pizza. 2. It's best part of the whole movie. Arthur lived a short life, but none could doubt that it was a good one. Because Jamaican me crazy! As unlikely as this is, it might be wise to double-check. Before you complain about anything, be thankful for your life and the things that are still going well.". Required fields are marked *. 20 Warning Signs You Are In A Codependent 20 Warning Signs You Are In A Codependent Relationship. The foundation of any effort to get your ex boyfriend back starts and ends with the no contact rule - which means you probably shouldn't be texting with him in the first place. Hemali is an ICF-Certified ACC Level Life Coach with 3 years of experience in relationship, marriage, and grief coaching. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Some Funny Responses to Everyday Questions. 14. This one is good. "Can't complain" is a normal response to the question, but by throwing in the following sentence, you should get a laugh. I dont blame you, Ive had it up to my neck with annoying, repetitive, shallow everyday questions and I often respond with something funny, silly, or sarcastic to make it known. *wink*. In reality, they are not cool, they are just rude. Tell her that you're there for her to make her laugh, if she needs some company. Your 3rd @ has one shot to make a three or you die. I just adore my own company. I have found that people in a coma find it very difficult to hold a phone, turn it on, look at their messages, think of a reply, and then type out their reply. It's definitely a better reply than the standard, "I'm fine.". For some reason, some people think that not texting back is cool. I will leave that up to your imagination. Or you could be humorous back at them and say "No, I'm not. What to say when your crush asks how you are? Why not laugh about it and allow it to bring us closer together? Sure, we all have things to do, but when someone takes two days to reply, that is a sign that they are the problem. My standards are higher than what Ive seen lately. I think I am doing alright. It might seem like a joke, but this is what I think. [deleted] 5 yr. ago. The data will take longer to reach Earth than it would if it was sent from someone on Earth. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. I mean, no matter how amazing our lives are, there's always something to complain about. I'm happy! Whether its the Roman empire or feudal society. 1. 13. (Heres What To Do), Roommate Sleeps in Living Room All The Time! I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. Socrates (philosopher), "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." You should really come with a warning label. Maybe you said something so vile, so horrible, so disgusting that they no longer want to speak to you. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if Im not there, I carry on as usual." She is a Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner from The Priority Academy and has over 17 years of experience in content writing and editing for online media. Im still trying to figure out an answer to that question if Im honest. Make sure the person you say this to is able to take a joke. You win the internet. But, if you do say it, it will highlight the problem. 3. . I'm so sorry I expected you to acknowledge my existence after hanging out? Hopefully, youll stay there. 3. They were not expecting someone so wonderful to talk to them. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Not me, Im pretty depressed but thanks for asking. Otherwise, we would still be with them today. Sorry, life. Living an amazing dream. Youre not really expecting them to write you an essay. Youre totally on the same page.