She has lied to them and been found out. The fifth reason I found out about on my own and that was because she was having an affair. Thank god they all turned out well. Breaking up is hard and can be hell!!!!! My husband left me citing this as the only reason. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. Im paralyzed and just dont know where to begin? My husband of 32 years has just announced that he never loved me and is moving out. She misses her girls and she feels her siblings and their partners treat her and look at her differently. My life is in a tailspin right now. Theyre also communities where you can help other members solve their problems. And this is incredibly helpful because it gives people a chance to talk about what they have been through and figure out a way to fix it in the future. Any youths on how to cope welcome. He is back to. And even worse, they ruin their own happiness in the process by doing things that destroy everything that makes them happy. Her friends, family and coworkers all pushed her. Whatever, fine by me Ill gladly give up weekends for my kids. *the relationship feels like too much work. I dont want to give her the satisfaction knowing she was able to completely shatter my heart again and I feel pretty friggin dumb having believed she actually wanted to save our family, our dream. I always stood by her even with her legal issues and her mental problems. Letting go of what hurts may be difficult but it's possible. And that is accepting that it might be a few years before your husband comes back to you or before you find someone to love you again. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. We have 3 girls 10.11 and 13. Please pray for me. In the same boat. She spent a few nights at his place and on new years eve she drove him home and spent the night. Conversely, if your spouse works long hours out of necessity, this can signify that they're willing . I am devastated we have 3 children and one doing his GCSEs I am a mess my daughter keeps questioning me and Im trying to hold it together but Im in so much pain and I cant imagine my life without him Dont believe it. Child Mind Institute psychologist Dr. Alexandra Hamlet says, "It's important to set ground rules in the beginning [of your relationship] to set a tone," or boundaries that ensure the relationship moves at a pace you're both comfortable with. I will not lie to you, this will not be easy, but I can promise YOU WILL feel relief from staying true to yourself. I work part time supporting in a school. I wonder if he even filed those papers. She use to tell me I was a good man and was so good to her. Then my wife was charged with felonies 2 for fraud and 1 for forgery.. in 2015 she switch to alcohol now she has driven me and our kids out of the house to my parents I am biblical and believe I cannot get a divorce because what the Bible says. Know your legal rights ! Above all. Years. We starting counseling again and went through three counselors, one of which he choose, over the last 3 years. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. It comes down to saying, this sucks but also saying to ourselves whatever and just knowing we tried. I dont want her raising my kids or even being around them. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. You can imagine how amazed I was at this concept coming from a male (not being sexist or anything!). I left her cause she was a gold digger had 4 affairs and she was a thief . Whens it supposed to get better? .. Its just awful. We both feel so strongly that we are right for each other, we trully do love each other. Im just a hopeless Romantic i guess that loved my wife unconditionally. I dove back into the deep waters of the person that I had primarily lost, myself. I was born with mine. He is smitten and very sexually involved with this 40 something woman. You may still love him but being gay is not a choice. This isnt him. There is a large age gap, which wasnt a problem at first, but now he works all the time and only cares about money. And the week I left also happened to be the week we renewed our lease . Thanks, If she ever contacts you again say this, never talk to me again. It is actually just a natural part of my nature. With Elizabeth Vargas, PMDD Quiz: Do I Have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. If this is the end of our relationship and it certainly feels that way. You can search in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Thank God we dont have any children involved! I think its horrid because they are not educated and working as a medical professional in the industry they are giving really bad advice. You knew I would do anything for those kids and yet you continue to prove our family will never be worth your time and effort or attention. Knowing what to do when your husband abandons you, your wife picks up and leaves, or your partner suddenly calls it quits can be challenging. Wed been having problems. She is bipolar and has legal issues along with immigration issues. You think I wanna sit and have thanksgiving dinner with you? We had had a very hard year and the month before he left he had told me he was unhappy and was considering leaving because he was so unhappy and I was making him miserable. Men can be relentless and because they do not think off of emotions like us, they tend to see ours as silly. We did everything together, literally. Im truly heartbroken. I loved him dearly and I still do, I had resentment built up because he didnt always treat me the best. Where r u? During the summer he became distand and snappy with both myself and the girls, resulting in him going to work and coming . If we move, he doesnt want to stay in the state but, the kind of small town where he would be happy generally has no work which in my view is not a win/win. Like being inside of Hitlers mind. In January the kids want nothing to do with her because of the lies she has been telling plus my brother and his wife took her side, I just wanted them to be on the kids side. He also uses the excuse that my 2 sons, not his btw, are too much for him to handle. I knew he was insecure and this got to him, but I never really thought to deep into it until he cheated on me a few weeks ago. She would never abandon her children I feel very sad this happened to you but if she is leaving so quick without giving you a fair chance she may just be a self-centered person. Please help I feel like Im drowning and dont know how to protect my kids from the pain they will feel, I feel horrible for you, this is going to be a very hard time but youre going to have to focus on the kids. I need advice. Can deficits in emotional intelligence explain the negative relationship between abandonment schema and marital quality? I dont feel like I can go on without her. I resented my husband a lot during this time. He sent the email are u serious?? When your children were young, you probably used to have fun and spend time with them. I was unable to get over a relationship Id had, for THIRTY years! Let go of the self-blame. But I am steadily going forward. I have no idea what she is doing or who she is with, it is wrenching my heart, we have been married 25 years and have a 24yr old son together. Lou, Coming back from an affair is possible, but most often the trust is severed and cannot be recovered. A relationship is made of two people that are ready and willing to be a team. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage. Orr T. (2022). I have been divorced for 9 months. Well then I would follow up at the dirt cheap stores where she was getting this butane from and I was able to get identification that she was still purchasing this stuff. She has been exposing her private parts to men online.Right now she is in another state living in a hotel with a guy who is also married and she told me she is having sex with him.he told her he is leaving his wife.I have been hit with so many blows to my heart. I have found pills over and over hidden in her car before she totaled it . I am humiliated, devastated and heartbroken he would replace me so quickly. I was so fearful of it returning that I wound up taking the gabapentin for seven months before daring to discontinue it. Leaving on trips, not connecting when he was gone and making issues out of things instead of continuing to work on things. Hello! Your partner met someone else. They systematically destroyed this beautiful life we created and threw out everything I was again with my kids watching. My wife left me in October after 6 years Im dealing with my in-laws involved the failure of our marriage has been all shifted on me my wife has changed her cell all kinds of madness, I try to get it out as much as I can its tuff I have the bills kids everything to deal with, How lucky ur wife is to be much loved by youi wish i am that person..:(, My husband had never showed me love from the very begginning. We did renovations at her cottage from laying new floors to painting and installing a new wood stove. I feel bad for those who do, because I dont even understand it. How can somewhon do that to a spouse that has done nothing other than give them all the love and compassion,loyalty,feelings,and commitment for life. Well I am the adulterous turned bunny boiler. 5 years ago I bumped in to a high school friend. I am so truly heartbroken. Please send me strength. Had to move out of my house as his business is next door. I am devastated. Carrie and Al are actively seeking help and support. WHY?????? And protect yourself because if shes not looking out for you you need to. We started dating young and it was really a fairytale relationship. We have kids high school age. She was a self harmer and naturally negative person yet strong willed, firey, smart, impulsive and absolutely gorgeous. Go to the gym to tske out your anger, watch movies to get out of your painful world for awhile. His health issues are not serious. I have stood with her thru the good and bad times and now that I am out of the house she treats me like Im a stranger. Last 5-6 years epic struggle to keep things on rails while kids matured to age where they could make decisions for themselves and process what was going on and why. How to make your ex-boyfriend feel bad for hurting you, Why am I starting to think about my ex again? He isnt coming back and I have accepted that as he has now told me so many times now and he just a new life without me in it. Why does your family believe him over you? After all I did to keep our little family together he walked out on us. I also feel like such a wreck and cant see any woman ever wanting me as I dont like me. I also found out she was picking up meds for patients . 2. If you didnt it wouldnt be human. She has quit her job and spends the daytime in our house waiting for the kids to finish school and leaves before I get back (leaving the house a tip). we were so in love and always affectionate when he was home.I am just also so devestated for my son he said he isnt gonna see him anymore he doesnt wanna drag it out but my he always loved my son so much and my son doesnt even remember life without him so he is very sad. She was followed home while driving rental car in and out of her lane off shoulder and then into oncoming lane. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. . I think he is waiting to see about this house he is looking at. I read It goes back to their childhood when they were never held accountable for their actions and would lie and cover up rather than be chastised by their parents one of which was probably narcissistic too . You may never get the answer you are looking for from your partner, but there are several common reasons why someone leaves a relationship. My niece has cancer and dying. Refuses to consider the possibility that if she actually wanted this back she would have to at least remove 100% every single reminder to me, just like she did for him when she moved him into my bed so quick Im sure he still smelt my farts lol. However, when the reflection becomes self-berating and criticisms, it maybe adds more pain to an already painful situation.. And I want you to know that its not impossible. Dh comes over to see kids every night. But, believe it or not, research suggests there's a dark side to dieting. Hi all, my husband has been feeling off this past year and thinks he has depression. Everyone says it gets better but I can see myself 19 years from now crying and asking why as well. My youngest is only five. Its not you though,youjust do your best for your kids and do your best to just move on. I have just seen her going into the guys house that she had the affair with.. First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. He held me back and then confessed that he was bi-sexual and had been texting with another man. I am struggling in finding a way to deal with his departure as my love for him yearns and hurts at the same time. Didnt know our kids friends girlfriends or boyfriends. You will get all the blame and even find yourself thinking maybe it WAS your fault ! Im living the same right now married 12 years and 2 kids 9 and 11 yrs old. Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. I havent slept in 3 days and eating is very minimal. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. I thought to myself what the fk? Perhaps your husband has a personality disorder. How he just had a change of heart with no care in the world. We did counselling were he was told he had: PTSD and depression- of course there was nothing wrong with him. I have been married for 4 years. Their loss. Love is blind, but Im not so blind any more. I have not moved for 2 days I cant stop thinking is she better then me? I am missing a lot more but this story is long enough as it is. Everyone says time. I have just left my partner of 16 years. I feel that in order to keep him in our lives I must accept her too. Very true . Big time. I feel no small amount guilt for feeling relief at her leaving. I know that we can get through this.I am willing for now but Maybe, not for long. I served honorably for 27 years in the Army, receiving the highest peacetime award for my service. I have had to monitor her medication intake and times for years to ensure her safety (on her request). It is amazing how they completely changed. The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. And the person I subsequently dealt with was someone else." Telling her son and . Im so devistated, He wants to relax all day and live the life of a boy. The message is so strong and clear when there is infidelity, unlike opaque reasons such as boredom or lack of compatibility. Btw she is the only family i have here and i cant get past the fact that she doesnt love me anymore Anytime l confronted him about anything l was TRIPPING. That she was ok with the progression of things b) they get sick c) you are unfortunate enough to owe them money ( or as they think, owe them a life ) what happens to a child or sibling of one as they grow older. I will admit to being a bit of a pain Im a house wife and he would come home some nights and i would complain about something that happened at home during my day and it would cause a row because he felt as if I was always moaning at him. I know that getting over your husband is a very difficult process to go through. Its easy to say move on when deep down inside you still have that love that you cant tear from the inside. She moved out fast and said I needed time to work on myself as well. Im guessing she made up some bullcrap to try to justify it because no one is talking to me and yet my daughter and I are the victims of this shitstorm. I get my kids every weekend and the time always flies by. It took me about 6 months before I tried to get help and went to therapy. There are other ways of finding things out, but that all depends on which boundaries you are willing to cross. I was a stay Hm dad for 3 years and I think it caused the divorce. Hurt beyond comprehension that this has been all calculated and the number of lies that had been told to me for I cant even imagine how long. Anyway, I know it takes time. How do I get thru this pain? SHARE this story on Facebook with your friends and family. But they are forced to be with her every other weekend. Let go of the past and move on with your life! I have done so much for her. If your husband is gay, there will be no getting that love back. He would never compromise nit even come home 1 time a week to have supper as a family hes a workaholic Now hes not happy because Ivehad anger issues so I went to get help since I too realizes I have to work on myself and I changed.my kids see it.however apparently I didnt change enough. I have a huge financial mess where I make more money than most people but I pay out so much. The following morning I came across more items that appeared to be missing from the house again and when I was once again told that he had given items to family members without even discussing it with me, I became very upset and hurt. I wasnt happy, i was controlled, questioned put up with his temper for long enough. He is indicating you have all the power over his life. i do not think I could ever do this to another human being and especially one I am suppose to care about but then again I am not self-centered like she is! Weve only been married for the last 19 months. I never had empty nest for longer than 3 months and things were much better between my husband and I. My son is in the same school as this womans daughter and my husband has already been talking to this woman about the kids being step-siblings. And meeting another woman again is very difficult now for many of us single men too, now that Feminism is everywhere these days, Ok have to jump in here and say that half this list was well debated by surviving marriage members, who salvaged most the married groups helpful comments to suffering people going through the same similar situations advocated for on this list, leaving me to ponder this probably being horrible advice from the same site since many or Ill have ruined most my own relationships let me at least try to clear things up for honest hurting folks, people leave for 1 simple reason so both sides pay attention so your aware of whats up what you are really doing and choosing simple really they want to get that? Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. But I never wouldve left. Dick Masterson speaks the TRUTH. All you have to do is think about the things youre good at and all the times youve helped others. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. I am so heart broken why would he do that to me and how will l get over him ALLTOGETHER. very true. It is just devastating Im loosing her and also wont see my kids as much. I came home from work and he was downstairs crying and moaning. Cant stop crying and hate being alone for even 1 hour. Im just curious.I am 50 and I live in Illinois.. CassieD.Thanks,The problem is that she takes care of the bills,so she would know what i spent it for.And we both agreed to wait until my settlement before we decided the next step on what to do with the finances.I told her that I need her Ins to get my knee replaced and she said that is fine .I am almost at my wits end with all of this confusion and fright and pain. I feel for you. If you noticed, we mentioned reading self-help books. We spoke daily our entire relationship and had never even apart more than a few days. My husband and I have been separated from each other due to deployment. When we met it was love from the off. The unfortunate truth is unless two people are willing to work on a marriage it will never work. But a committed couple can overcome any of these 5 reason and much more. My husband of 20years has just told hes leaving me that hes not in love with me anymore and has been living a lie for the past year!! I am not saying you have to stay with someone who no longer is committed to the team in a very damaging way but the research shows people are throwing the towell in for very small reasons. Time and time again I would say things that she would take hurtful or mean. Please keep sharing your common senseok, so my wife of 25 years just abandoned me, posioned my boys (18 & 21) and took the dogand my (deceased) mothers piano. Wife of 22 years left 2 weeks ago because she decided she was gay and had reciprocal feelings towards our best female friend. Fortunately, relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning knows exactly what it takes to save a failing marriage. I asked him to move out before we settle divorce as I want to respect myself not wanting to wait till august to see if there are really both in live. I have struggled with anger issues for quite a large portion of my life. I do love my husband. It is you used to do this , you used to do that. I want to believe that it is all a nightmare and that she will wake me up any moment and forgive my past Beg me to take you back and act like youre sorry for all that hurt, all that damage and that you would never ever again and know that will probably take another 20 years to truly believe you. Her behaviour to me changed and she became distant, rude and put me on the back burner. Constantly points out my flaws and still shows no remorse at all for the horrific things she has done to our family. Holy cow. Then a month later he came home and told me he never loved me and his mind was f$&k#% . 5 years ago I started to discover and figure out that my wife was a substance abuser,drug addict with prescription meds, narssasis, pathological liar. I have always loved her and I feel like I always will. Protect your assets. While I understand we didnt have the perfect marriage and living situations, I never saw this coming. He works with her and finds her intellectually stimulating. Its easy to get trapped in black-and-white thinking, but you will need to expand your concept of the situation to truly heal. We have always had a strong relationship, but I lost my job and she was just about to start college, I got another job with the government and was doing that while she was in school, yes because of this situation we did get behind finiancally . We were mature, grown ups We did that stuff and left that life long ago?? While cutting your hair may be regrettable, more harmful decisions may result in challenges down the road, such as substance misuse. I had to get a lawyer in another town, because of the good old boy club there. Use your resources when someone is trying to mess with you . The important thing here is that you find someone who can make you feel good again. I hate myself and have become a hermit. She refuses to answer her phones and when I do get her mom to go there, she refuses to see our child even when I dropped off at her moms which is super close. Guilt that you couldn't help your spouse. During this time my Family saw the truth, because my ex husband and his girlfriend did so many cruel things. ! Please let me know how you are doing. I hope to find a better job and will be the best dad I can be to my kids. Darkest days of my life. My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? He has no emotion or seems to even care. Its mind blowing. I love her so much, and have always been devoted to her, never lied to her, never cheated, never been controlling or jealous etc. anyway thanks for listening, Thank you for your comment, Lorrie. Sometimes when a person leaves, they are unhappy not because they dont love you, but because they are hiding something. And now the most important step you can take in your journey to get over your husband: I know its hard, but you have to realize that it might be over between the two of you. Your partner doesnt have anything in common with you anymore. I think if you Google about them you will also see so many similar traits in the comments (such as yours ) come to light. She promised she would stop. She was my world and the greatest mother our children could ever ask for. She has developed feelings for a woman she works with and cannot walk away from her. I work full time and take care of everything in the house. So Im on my own, hence the online searching for advice. You are young and will have a bright future Could it be me? Now, he took us yesterday to a amusement park and it started off fun, but, we had a discussion saying that he would take the kids to the waterpark area and i asked how long would they be there? Totally relate. And, no, she doesnt want to give it to you, shes buying her way out. I wish I had an answer for you. Sort the legal separation stuff and you can do a divorce online for free. I understand. God the waves of dispair are so crushing. very hard. We have an 18 month old boy as well. One thing I am scared of is that my heart as sensible to all the facts as is it is not closed towards him. So much so that mutual friends who would come to visit, theyd ask me not to tell my wife they were in town. What part of the country are you in? He was very excited on Friday regarding his news that two lots became available and was texting me of how excited he was. Why she chose to lie about this i do not know, but she has been clearly hiding things from me for several months. He made me feel like it was me, I realized later it was not and can not believe I spent so much time allowing him to make me feel this way. After breakups, we are known to cut our hair, move to another state and make quick decisions based on a temporary emotional feeling, she notes. hi m Jesika m only 20 yrs old n my boyfriend which turns about 34 yrs who is already got married n divorced. Any pointers or tips will be welcome. Yea, meeting otherpeople may be fun for a little while, but coming home to someone who knows you inside out is un-irreplaceable. Hes in his mid 40s and literally has nothing, his mommy and daddy are still paying his way and completly enabling him to behave this way. My own inability to be nice cost me my life I dont know how to be strong. Found a great new home development where he knew the builder and was talking with the builder about the possibility of a few lots that would become available. She still has the full to snub her nose to cheaters on tv etc but I cant help feel like she took what we had and made it into the worst jerry Springer show imaginable and shes not even sorry she did it. There are reasons homosexuals hide things like that from loved ones. I so want to move on but feel abandoned and unloveable. They immediately started living together before I was ever handed a divorce. Exercise and stay busy . I would take a stand and approach this situation head on. He finally moved out after telling the kids he had to find true happiness.